The Mugger

Copied this from an email I received:

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before
last.
Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and
earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather
important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you
to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my
jacket.

The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a
reason.

My girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as
a Combat Marine in Afghanistan.  She had just bought me that Kimber
Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a
shoulder holster for it that very evening.  Obviously you agree that it
is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head .... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from
with that brown sludge in your pants.  I'm sure it was even worse
walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and
wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your
buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your
cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done.  Then I went
and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the
gas station, -- on your credit card.  The guy with the big motor home
took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along
with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]  I then threw
your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb
.... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire
driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.  Ma
Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a
little over a day now, so what's going on with that?  Earlier, I managed
to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the
FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess
while he traced your number etc.).  In a way, perhaps I should apologize
for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far
more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.  I wish you well
as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing
issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,
and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.  Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi,
Alex

Maui No Ka Oi

Mini-Blog on Maui:  Quick tips for a co-worker making her first trip to Maui last week:

First and foremost, Food:
If you can't enjoy a barbeque in your brother-in-law's backyard you can enjoy these fine establishments.  For some quick local style barbeque, try the Mama's Korean/Hawaiian Barbeque in this strip mall in Kapalua.

Eat Maui Tacos “broke da mouth” style in Lahaina.    For fancy fancy seafood (and you'll pay for it) try the delicious Mama's fish house in Paia.

Don't miss the sunrise at Haleakala.  You can do the bike trip down, but we had a great time just driving up the 10,000' + mountain in the early morning and seeing the amazing sight before driving back down.  Really beautiful.  But wear a COAT!  no joke it's cold up there at 5am.

Golf:  Fortunate enough to golf Kaanapali Kai (not that great), Kapalua Plantation Course (most famous, but overpriced and kind of rude), and Wailea Emerald Course (best experience of the bunch).

We stayed on Kaanapali Beach, and really enjoyed it.  There are several hotel and resorts to visit, and a small shopping center lockated on the beach called Whalers Village.  There is more shopping in Kihei Kalama Village , which is an outdoor marketplace, and the very upscale Shops at Wailea

Be sure to hang out in Lahaina, even take in a Luau if you want.  It's a good spectacle, and it's right on the beach.  And go whale watching and snorkling out at Molokini. 

My Facebook Photo Album from February 2006.  We traveled with the Walters Family and stopped by the Maui Lockes for some family time.

Our Tanzanian Experience

After the six of us arrived in the dead of night at the “Kilimanjaro International Airport” and paying our recently doubled (and undocumented) visa fee of $USD 100 our Tanzanian adventure began. Luckily, traveling with good friends (one of which was born & raised in Dar es Salaam) made navigation and negotiations much less stressful than they could have been. Somewhat defying expectations, the area around Mount Kilimanjaro was quite green and cool, even getting quite cold at night. The towns of Arusha and Moshi seemed to be the base of operations for most Mountain and Sarari tours, and after the ridiculous task of hitting ATM after ATM, maxing out debit cards, calculating exchange rates, and sorting stacks of bills on the table like gangsters, we had our Safari fully funded and were off to the wilderness.

  

First on the agenda was the Ngorongoro Crater. This conservation area is adjacent to the “Great Rift Valley” which runs from Syria all the way down to the Southern tip of the African continent. The wildlife here was amazing, and within an hour we had seen sights that made the entire trip worthwhile. Cheetahs hunting in a pair, and after 20 or so mesmerizing minutes we did indeed see a gazelle become breakfast. It was quite far away but had an immediate and emotional impact on everyone in our group….This was no Zoo. A little later we spotted two lion couples sleeping like giant housecats in the sun, very rare to see two males together and this was a mere 20-30 yards from our LandCruiser. The wildlife here was so abundant it was hard to believe we were there in the “dry season” when the migrating herds are not nearly as overwhelming as other times of year. However, this was the time to see more of the predators and really isn’t that what it’s all about? A lunch stop was uneventful until a local kite (hawk) decided to swoop down and pick a sandwich right out of the hand of one of our travelmates. Back to the truck ladies…..

The Serengeti was truly everything you expect it to be. Within a mile of entering the park we were 20 feet away from a pair of Cheetahs enjoying the shade of a very rare tree. The word Serengeti means “endless plains”, and it was fitting. Things we experienced and learned: No bathroom breaks, Hippo pools are insanely smelly, Elephants are intelligent (sending a lookout to thrash in the grasses while the Herd waited patiently behind), Leopards are selfish hunters (pulling their kills up into the tree to keep the leftovers), and the sound of a pride of Lions chomping on Zebra ribs from 10 yards away is actually quite loud (and smells, and is Awesome). These days in the parks were some of the most memorable travel moments in our lives.

Travel in the developing world is not without its challenges, and along with ATM machine mishaps, cancelled flights, flat tires in the country, primitive ferry boats, mosquitoes, etc. you learn quickly to be prepared to experience a country as it is, not necessarily always as you would like it to be. These are the times when having a group of friends along make everything better, safer, and more relaxed.

After the Safari experience, it was time for some R&R and visiting with friends and family. On to Dar es Salaam, the economic and cultural capital of Tanzania. Here we met up with another Tanzanian friend visiting from Seattle and enjoyed two fabulous feasts at our friends’ houses; complete with meeting dozens of new friends and eating many new and delicious foods (and plenty of cold Serengeti Beer). On to Zanzibar Island where we got to experience the diverse Arabic culture which was much different than the mainland. Exploring the winding city streets and markets felt like I would imagine it to be in Morocco or Turkey as opposed to sub-saharan Africa. The beaches were beautiful, people friendly, prawns and fish delicious, and downtime welcome.

To Michelle, Jayne, Kerensa, Lyungai, Louis, and Peter: thank you for helping make this a wonderful and unforgettable experience.

 In short: Go have a Safari, if it’s not on your bucket list, add it now.

 

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